Butchering the classics

Barber's Adagio for Strings is perhaps the most overused piece of classical music in pop culture, so much so that now it is often used as a humourous indicator of over-the-top melancholy. This is a pity, because it really is a remarkable work. It also requires the utmost sensitivity to perform. To attain the depth of feeling without allowing the phrases to seem overly drawn out, the ensemble must maintain tight control of rubato, dynamic shaping, and balancing of parts to bring out the counterpoint.

Ferry Corsten had the brilliant idea of getting rid of all the rubato, dynamics and counterpoint from the piece and getting a synthesizer to play the melody over a drum track, presumably so that people could dance to one of the most mournful tunes of all time.

This is terrible. The long phrases seem ridiculously random and rambling when every note sounds identical. It's like a primitive text-to-speech program trying to read poetry.

Now here's an excerpt from the last movement of Saint-Saëns's Organ Symphony.

This moment in the symphony really is a little bit magical. But sometimes when I listen to it, I feel like it's missing something ... like a reggae beat! Fortunately somebody else felt the same way and made this song:

Scott Fitzgerald & Yvonne Keely: If I Had Words

Okay, perhaps I am somewhat predisposed to hate this because I can't stand reggae. (At least I think I can't; I haven't really listened to very much of it — all I know is that Jason Mraz's I'm Yours was a perfectly charming little song until he decided to reggae it up.)

But quite apart from the horrible beat, the rhythm and meter are all messed up. Saint-Saëns's original melody is in triple time; each of the four phrases consists of three bars which grow towards the final two bar note. This repeated assymmetry of a three bar build up versus a two bar release gives this passage a certain charisma. In the reggae version, the melody has been squashed into some kind of duple time which seems to mutate towards the end so badly that I can't figure out which beats are supposed to be strong. As a result, the tune loses all direction and instead meanders aimlessly, relying on the harmony to give it any value.

Let's see what other beautiful melodies we can defile!

Brahms: Symphony no. 3

This is the beginning of the third movement of the symphony. The melody is based on the three-note motif of two notes in dotted rhythm followed by a third note. The attraction derives from alternately placing the motif with the third note on the strong beat of the bar (so that the motif has a rising feeling), and placing it with the first note on the strong beat (so that it is falling).

Carlos Santana & Dave Matthews: Love of My Life

Everything about this is bad. Once again the meter is exchanged for a more palatable quadruple time, because if the general public ever heard a song in triple time they would fall over. All rhythmic variation has been eliminated and the harmony which has been fit to the tune is just nauseating. Why wouldn't you just use the original harmony?!

Borrowing from classical music doesn't always have to be a disaster. Here's one which I think does better. (This time I hope there should be no need for me to provide the corresponding classical source material!)

Walter Murphy: A Fifth of Beethoven

Still not my cup of tea, but objectively, this song is far more respectful of the original. I would say that this seems like a pretty accurate translation of Beethoven's Fifth into the language of disco music, in contrast to the earlier examples where I would suggest that the story was definitely garbled in translation. Each phrase quoted from the symphony has the same purpose and meaning in the adaptation, and the new added elements integrate seamlessly with these to form a coherent updated story.

Here's another one which does pretty well:

Rachmaninoff: Piano Concerto no. 2

Eric Carmen: All By Myself

Generally speaking, melodies written for instruments do not work well as vocal melodies, and vice versa. In this case, I think that Eric Carmen did a great job choosing a suitable melody and adapting the rhythm to be more natural, resulting in a well-written song.

The moral of the day is: if you want to write a good song based on a classical music work, choose Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto no. 2. The next article will be all about songs inspired by this concerto!

Post scriptum: If you're not a classical music lover like me and find it difficult to understand how I feel hearing masterpieces being violated, take a listen to this.

Royal Philharmonic Orchestra - Bohemian Rhapsody

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.